Welcome to my blog.
In order to explain what this blog is about, I should probably start out by sharing a little about myself.
1. I’m kind of a loser.
Yeah, it’s basically true. I’m not like a bad guy or anything, and I don’t sit around and cry for myself or anything like that. So it’s not like I need you guys to try to cheer me up. Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal or anything.
It’s more like an objective, factual statement about my current status in life than an emotional, judgmental thing about my worth as a human being.
It’s no biggie, and I’m over it.
But at age 44 I should be a lot further along than I am right now.
2. I’m broke.
At the moment, I have 31 cents to my name and maybe like $50k in debt (idk for sure…I stopped keeping track long ago because what’s the point?).
I’ve had like 30 jobs, but I don’t have one right now. And even if I did, I probably couldn’t hold it down for long due to anxiety attacks or whatever.
I made like $4,000 last year. Gross, not net.
That’s pretty shitty for a grown-ass man to only be making a few hundred dollars a month. I mean, kids at McDonald’s probably make more than that working after school.
I guess if there’s an upside, it’s that I made all of it on the internet, without a job, without punching a clock, without having to answer to a boss or dealing with office politics or begging for time off to spend time with my family.
3. I’m fat.
There’s no upside to this one.
I tipped the scales at 311 lbs a few months back (January 2019), and this morning I weighed in at 305.
The last time I went to a doctor, I noticed that he scribbled “morbidly obese” on his clipboard. He wasn’t being mean or anything. It’s just reality. I was always fat, but now I’m literally fat enough that it could kill me at any moment.
4. I’m frustrated.
- I did really well in school when I was a kid.
- I used to play guitar and sing in a band when I was in my 20s.
- I was a photographer, reporter and copy editor in college.
- I married a hot chick and lived in Hawaii for 20 years.
- I got paid a few times to draw comic strips.
- For a while I used to make enough to pay the bills and support my family.
I’m fully capable of living an awesome life, and in many ways I’ve already had an awesome life. And I’m grateful for all the good times.
But despite all the potential, I’ve been stuck for more years than I can count, and I’m just not going anywhere in life.
It seems like no matter what I do to try to get unstuck, nothing changes. I set goals and make plans to achieve them, and I feel motivated and ambitious as fuck. But still – nothing happens.
And I don’t know why.
Or at least, I couldn’t figure it out for the past couple decades, and it frustrated the crap out of me.
But I think that’s beginning to change.
And that’s what this blog is about.